Do Parents Have a Favorite Child? The Truth About Black Fathers and Their Daughters

by Kenneth Braswell, CEO, Fathers Incorporated

There are moments in parenthood when our children challenge our perceptions, forcing us to confront truths we might otherwise ignore. In Caitlin Gibson’s Washington Post article, “You Probably Have a ‘Favorite’ Child,” Alex Jensen, Ph.D., finds himself in such a moment. 

When his 14-year-old daughter accuses him of always taking her younger brother’s side, Dr. Jensen does what researchers suggest parents should practice — listening rather than reacting defensively. Jensen’s daughters’ frustration is rooted in an experience many siblings share: the perception that one child is favored over another. As Dr. Jensen’s own research reveals, perception often has a basis in reality.

Dr. Jensen’s study, published by the American Psychological Association, finds that daughters tend to be favored by parents. This finding contradicts the long-held assumption that fathers lean toward their sons while mothers favor their daughters. Instead, fathers, too, appear to favor their daughters. Further, the study suggests that older siblings are often granted more freedom, a pattern that extends into adulthood, and agreeable and conscientious children tend to receive more parental favor. 

While the study captures broad trends, its implications on individual families—especially Black families — carry particular weight. David Miller, Ph.D., a fellow at Fathers Incorporated’s Moynihan Institute for Fatherhood Research and Policy, explored this dynamic in his dissertation, Daddy’s Girl: Understanding the Impact of Black Fathers on the Social and Emotional Development of Raising Black Daughters.”

Historically, Black fathers have been burdened by stereotypes of absenteeism, but Dr. Miller’s work challenges this narrative. He highlights Black fathers as protectors, role models, and primary influences in their daughters’ social, emotional, and academic development. His research aligns with Dr. Jensen’s findings, reinforcing that daughters hold a special place in their fathers’ hearts — not out of mere favoritism but out of necessity in a world that often seeks to marginalize them.

For Black fathers, the role of a protector takes on added significance. Society has long painted damaging images of Black girls, limiting their potential before they even begin to define it for themselves. Miller’s work underscores how engaged Black fathers help daughters navigate these external forces, instilling confidence and resilience. He documents how Black fathers play a critical role in combating negative socialization that can lead to anxiety, depression, and lower self-worth among Black girls. This role extends beyond presence; it involves advocacy, guidance, and consistent emotional support.

The findings from both reports challenge Black fathers to recognize the weight of their influence. 

Jensen’s study confirms what many already know but may struggle to articulate: favoring daughters, consciously or unconsciously, is not just an emotional tendency but a societal reaction. Black fathers, in particular, may feel an urgent need to prepare their daughters for the harsh realities of racism, sexism, and bias they will inevitably encounter. In doing so, they often become their daughters’ first line of defense and most potent source of affirmation.

The societal implications of parental favoritism are profound. Jensen’s study reveals that children who receive less favorable treatment are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and behavioral challenges. They may struggle in school, engage in risky behaviors, and experience lower satisfaction in adulthood. Conversely, those who are favored tend to enjoy better mental health and greater academic and professional success. This raises an important question: How can Black fathers ensure that all their children receive the validation and support they need?

One key approach is awareness. Favoritism does not always manifest in obvious ways. It may appear as emotional availability, disciplinary leniency, or perceptions. Fathers must remain mindful of how they distribute attention, encouragement, and resources. While it may be instinctual to prioritize protecting Black daughters, ensuring that Black sons receive affirmation and guidance is equally important.

Dr. Miller’s research reminds us that the stereotype of the disengaged Black father is not just harmful; it is inaccurate. Their presence shapes their daughters’ emotional and psychological well-being in ways that reverberate for generations. Fathers who recognize their influence can use it to uplift both daughters and sons and create a legacy of strength, resilience, and love.

Taken together, Jensen’s and Miller’s studies offer a roadmap for Black fathers seeking to balance their roles with intention. While the impulse to protect and empower Black daughters is justified, fathers must also be vigilant about ensuring that all their children — regardless of gender — feel equally valued and supported. In a world that too often tries to define Black children before they can define themselves, fathers have the power to shift the narrative.

As we reflect on the idea of favoritism, it becomes clear that the issue is not about choosing one child over another but about ensuring that every child receives what they need to thrive. Through their presence, love, and guidance, Black fathers are already rewriting the story of fatherhood — one day, one lesson, and one moment of listening at a time.